Juxtaposition is a funny word.

I really like spending time with Mayumi! She’s such a good friend and a really good listener. I don’t really have a lot of friends and I never have but she is always there and she is always willing to hang out with me. I’m so happy because I really feel like for once I have a friend. My mother said I would have more friends if I didn’t talk so much but there’s so much silence everywere else. Silence on the train, silence in my house, silence ever surrounds me in a loud classroom when Mayumi isn’t there because no oe wants to tlak to me. It didn’t used to be so quiet but things have gotten so much quieter now. My dad is never home and my mom is working a part time job. It’s ever so hard to be in a silent house. Every noise or stir could be something bad waiting to happen. I go home and I turn on the TV really loud so that I almost can’t hear anything else. I listen to my music so loud as I walk home because I don’t live at the same stop as Mayumi which is really sad because I would like to talk to her so much. No one talks at home. We all live in our own little places with our own noise but no one talks anymore… I wish they would just get divorce but I don’t. There’s a girl in my class whose parents are divorced and they alternate between her and me. If I didn’t have Mayumi I think I would have taken a good way out of a bad situation this year. But I know I bother her. Deep down I know she doesn’t want me. She told me so outside the station once in the fall. I try and put it out of my head as best I can but it always comes back when I get off the train and walk home with no one to talk to. It was raining that day and we’d forgotten out umbrellas. I heard some girls talking about how I smelled and if Mayumi didn’t leave me alone she’d start to smell too. I’m so used to “gusai” and “busu” that it sounds as normal as train noise.
“I didn’t want attention” she yelled as I tried to bike to keep you “They always left me alone! You’re annoying! I can see why your parents don’t want to be around you! I wish you would quit bugging me!” She sped away and I feel off my bike, skinning my knee. I started crying loudly, like a small child cries when they lose their mommy in a store. Crying this way is so familiar to me. In the rain and tears I make it to the station and I see her standing there in our usual spot under the shelter. She sighs and I run towards her, child still crying and she hugs me. People stare at us because I’m childishly crying and she’s comforting me. We are so different but in that hug all is forgiven.

Heichi-suru is a funny word. Juxtaposition. It sounds odd but it’s a big word and is fun to read. It’s one of my College study words in English. No matter how much my ALT helps me with it, I can’t say it./ I can say position but not the first part. Side by side, opposed, contrasting, all words for my sort of kind of not really friend. I hate talking and she won’t shut up. She’s always bullied and I’m ignored. Even her parents hate her. Mine love me. She has long hair that’s straight. I have curly short hair and glasses. I had a strategy to get through high school, but it was ruined because I had to absentmindedly answer her hello one day. She clings to me like a barnicale. I think the only reason why the other kids don’t bully me is they get that I’m not really her friend. They see how different we are so we can’t really be friends. I’m safe, mostly. She’s like a puppy you know, no matter how many times you curse at it or throw rocks at it, it keeps coming back because you fed it once. I know that’s not nice but it feels that way sometimes. I just don’t like people talking to me. I want to be left alone but most people mistake that for being a good listener. I know deep down no one listens to her and that’s why she talks so much. Or does she talk so much which causes no one to listen to her. Chicken or egg I suppose.
I got annoyed with her one day. Actually I was flat out enraged. The pretty girls said I was starting to smell or I would become a saikin (bacteria) too if I hung around with her. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. On the bike she kept trying to get me to talk, to comfort me. I didn’t want to be comforted. I wanted her, everyone out of my life. I didn’t stop when I heard her bike fall. I only waited for her because I thought she might kill herself and I didn’t want it to be my fault. Not like I think anyone would really care. Well I would, maybe. I stayed waiting for her. She ran towards me, soaking and bloody and crying like a brat. She threw her arms around me and I didn’t really complain. I guess she’s my friend. But I’m still always happy when she gets off the train before me. We’re too different, juxtaposed to last much longer.

I saw these two girls twice. I couldn’t foirget their faces because the first time I saw them the ywere huddled together under an awning in Hiroshima station and one of them was unabashedly bawling her eyes out. I saw them months later putting their bikes away and it reminded me I hadn’t written their story yet. I had to race to my train and who should come racing behind me but the two girls. It gave me a better chance to observe their dynamic and come up with a clearer narrative. I like seeing people I’ve written about again. So far, they are the only people I’ve seen again.